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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366352">Where Stars Die</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/airibear/pseuds/airibear'>airibear</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:47:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,772</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366352</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/airibear/pseuds/airibear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you love me?”</p><p>Always the same question.</p><p>“Yes, of course.”</p><p>Always the same lie.</p><p> </p><p>In which Hinata is in an abusive relationship and Kageyama will do whatever he can to save him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>117</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>247</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I do not own Haikyuu or it’s characters!!! If I did, KageHina would have been cannon already.</p><p>Also, Ushijima and Hinata’s relationship may be slightly illegal, (Ushijima is 21 and Hinata is 17)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hinata Shoyo had always considered himself one of the luckiest people alive.</p><p>Sure, he's had his own encounters with bad luck. Like that time his parents died in a car crash on that fateful Saturday night or the fact that his relatives only had enough money to take custody of his little sister after the incident.</p><p>Even so, Hinata was endlessly grateful that fate had not been so cruel as to take away <em>everything</em>. He still had his boyfriend of three years, Ushijima Wakatoshi. Ushijima was four years older than Hinata and he had to admit, it complicated their relationship quite a bit.</p><p>But Ushijima made it work. Thanks to him, Hinata wasn't an orphaned, high-school drop-out. Instead, Hinata had a future.</p><p>And thanks to him, Hinata was able to attend an ordinary public high-school and eat so much food that hunger became a foreign feeling for him. He could go to bed knowing that he would wake up within the safety of his own room. Living with Ushijima gave Hinata a feeling of security that was unknown of since the time of his parents.</p><p>Ushijima made him happy.</p><p>Even if he yelled sometimes in that icy tone he always used when he was angry.</p><p>Even if he touched Hinata without consent.</p><p>Even if he lost control of his temper, leaving painful bruises all over Hinata's body that remained black and blue weeks after they should have healed.</p><p>Ushijima gave him everything; food to eat, clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in. He even let Hinata go to school as any other non-orphaned, seventeen-year-old kid would. All the words in the world wouldn't be able to explain just how indebted Hinata felt towards Ushijima. Hinata always swore to himself that one day he would pay him back for all he had given him.</p><p>Which was probably why when Ushijima was no longer the caring man who he had once fallen in love with, Hinata could not come to terms with the fact that perhaps Ushijima did not make him happy anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Volleyball practice was the last place where Hinata wanted to be on this particular Wednesday afternoon.</p><p>Unfortunately, he was unable to think of a convincing excuse to skip, so he had dragged himself to the school's gym after his last class, ignoring the niggling pains all over his body.</p><p>Hiding his bruises was easy; long-sleeves and a touch of makeup usually did the trick. His only discernible injury was a dark contusion on his cheek that was purple in the center and black around the edges, but even that was hardly visible through the thick layers of concealer Hinata had slathered on his face. As long as no one deliberately tried to wipe the makeup off, Hinata's bruises, along with the secret of how he received them, would remain hidden.</p><p>Hiding the pain, however, proved to be a much more difficult task.</p><p>The volleyball team was playing a three-versus-three match when the ball suddenly flew in Hinata's direction, forcing him to receive. The ball pressed against his hidden bruises, causing a dull but persistent pain to spread throughout his body. Seeing Hinata wince, the game was ended immediately and the members of the volleyball club came over to check on him. Kozume Kenma, a second-year who was also Hinata's closest friend, was the first at his side.</p><p>"Are you hurt?" Kenma asked, eyeing the area on his arm where some of the makeup had smudged off, revealing an unsightly bruise.</p><p>"I'm fine," Hinata replied. He tried for a reassuring smile but ended up grimacing instead.</p><p><em>I can't let them know</em>.</p><p>The other members huddled around him, concern evident on each of their faces. Well, except for Tsukishima. He looked like he would rather be sitting in an electric chair.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Sugawara asked gently, his kind smile alleviating Hinata's pain."You looked as if you were hurt." He tried to rest a hand on Hinata's shoulder, who flinched at the sudden movement. Suga quickly withdrew his hand, shocked by Hinata's panicked reaction.</p><p>"Maybe he just needs more practice with receiving. He does suck, after all," Kuroo said with a condescending smirk, although it was hard to take him seriously with his chronic bed hair. "Receiving shouldn't hurt, shrimpy."</p><p>Tsukishima laughed mirthlessly. "Who knows?" He had the same cocky attitude as Kuroo, and many found the resemblance unnerving, to say the least. "Maybe his college boyfriend had something to do with it."</p><p>An uncomfortable silence settled upon the group. Everyone knew that Ushijima was several years older than Hinata was, but nobody dared to bring it up. Tsukishima's flippant remark about Hinata even having a boyfriend made him want to give the stringy blond a high-five. In the face. With a volleyball.</p><p>"Now, now," Suga chided, flashing a mollifying smile at Hinata in an attempt to pacify him. Scanning the room, his eyes settled on a certain raven-haired boy who was watching the scene unfold with a controlled, tight-lipped smile.</p><p>"Kageyama, could you bring Hinata to the nurse's office? She won't be there, but Hinata seems like he could use a break, " Suga said, although the way he asked the question gave the impression that he wasn't giving them a choice.</p><p>"I'm really okay-" Hinata protested, but he was cut short.</p><p>"Nonsense. You could use some rest, anyway," Suga said with a theatrical shrug of his shoulders.</p><p>Hinata was about to argue back when Kenma suddenly spoke up. "I agree with him," he added quietly. Kenma glanced at Suga who regarded him with a knowing look, and a silent, mutual understanding seemed to pass between them.</p><p>"Okay," Kageyama said with an air of finality, dusting the nonexistent lint off of his shirt. If he was irritated by the fact that his practice had been cut short, he didn't show it. "Let's go."</p><p>The group dispersed. Hinata was following Kageyama towards the doorway when Kenma suddenly grabbed his wrist, causing an electrifying pain to shoot up his arm. He bit the inside of his cheeks to suppress a scream.</p><p>"Did Ushijima hurt you?" Kenma asked calmly. His voice was quiet and controlled as usual, but his eyes were smoldering with fury. The unrecognizable anger on his face was a stark contrast from his usual phlegmatic demeanor, and it took Hinata by surprise. He clenched his fists, a wave of uncontrollable anger washing over him. The hazy feeling in his chest solidified into something sharp and bitter.</p><p>"He would never," Hinata snapped, his words coming out harsher than he intended.</p><p>Kenma released his grip on Hinata's arm, surprised. "Sorry," he mumbled. There was a strained silence that neither of them were eager to break.</p><p>Kageyama saved them from the awkward moment. "Hinata, hurry up!" he called, his face scrunched up with irritation. Hinata silently thanked Kageyama in his head, then looked back at Kenma.</p><p>"Wait here so we can walk home together," Hinata said as he turned towards the doorway. Kenma nodded curtly in response, and Hinata limped over to where Kageyama was waiting.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>"Seriously, how did you hurt yourself so badly that we had to miss practice?" Kageyama asked again, his voice rife with annoyance. The two boys walked through the hallway leading up to the nurse's office. "And I don't buy the excuse that you were bitten by a dog. That's the worst lie I've ever heard, and I've known Oikawa for nearly five years."</p><p>"It's true!" Hinata exclaimed, but the lie sounded unconvincing, even to him. "I ran into a big, scary dog!"</p><p>They stopped in front of the nurse's office. Kageyama pushed his arm against the sliding door, and a chemical smell reminiscent of a hospital wafted out of the room. Suga was right; the nurse had already left. Hinata shuffled around awkwardly, then sat on a bench made of wood in a corner of the room. He winced slightly as he sat, hoping Kageyama wouldn't notice or just be too annoyed to care.</p><p>"Okay, but really," Kageyama started, sitting down in the chair opposite from him. "Are you, uh, okay?" He was uncomfortable, Hinata could tell. It occurred to him that Kageyama wasn't good with emotions in the first place, and talking to someone in a therapeutic way was probably harder than anything he'd ever done.</p><p>Hinata snorted, feeling his facial muscles relax back into his usual, cheerful smile. "Geez, didn't think you would be the type of person to care!" Seeing the pink flush that suffused Kageyama's cheeks, he couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, want to know the truth? I didn't tell you because it's embarrassing, but I was trying to open a can of soup and I lost my grip and hit myself in the face. Stupid, right? That's how I got this." Hinata pointed to the little patch of purple that was visible through his makeup.</p><p>Kageyama narrowed his eyes, still unconvinced. "And your arms?" He eyed the little mark on Hinata's arm that had just begun to swell. Hinata hadn't noticed it in the morning, so unlike his other injuries, it went uncovered.</p><p>"Fell down the stairs." Hinata was immensely grateful he was talking with someone as dense as Kageyama. If it was Yaku or Suga, their acute senses would be able to see through his cheerful facade that masqueraded the painful truth.</p><p>They would know how he <em>really</em> got his bruises.</p><p>"Oh!" Kageyama said suddenly, taking his phone out from his back pocket. "I never gave you my new phone number."</p><p>Hinata stared at the phone, dumbfounded. Then a stupid, lunatic's grin slowly spread across his face. Feigning surprise in a slightly teasing manner, he said, "Is there...some kind of hidden meaning to this?"</p><p>"There's no hidden meaning!" Kageyama yelped, although the color that seeped into his cheeks suggested otherwise. "Just, you know...I gave it to everyone else when I changed my phone."</p><p>Hinata was surprised to find that his own cheeks were warm. Still amused, he opened his phone to add Kageyama to his contacts.</p><p>His face fell when he saw the bombardment of messages Ushijima had sent. 57 texts and 3 missed calls. Scrolling down, Hinata could see that they were all along the lines of, <em>Where are you? Why aren't you answering my texts</em>? And most terrifying of all, <em>Come home. Now.</em></p><p>"What?" Kageyama asked. The panic on Hinata's face worried him. Just a moment ago, he was smiling like someone had told him a funny joke. Now he looked like he had just seen a ghost.</p><p>"It's nothing," Hinata replied, the quiver in his voice betraying his nonchalant expression. He could only think of one thing: he had to get home <em>as soon as possible</em>. He sprang up from his bench and started out of the room. "I have to go."</p><p>"Wait, where are you going?" Kageyama called after him, but Hinata was already sprinting down the hallway to the gym where he had promised to meet Kenma.</p><p>Ushijima was going to <em>kill</em> him. He was a stickler for punctuality, always lecturing Hinata about how important it was to be on time. Going to the nurse's office meant that Hinata had stayed at school later than he promised, and he knew Ushijima wouldn't excuse him for being late.</p><p>Hinata rushed down the stairs, taking two steps at a time with Kageyama at his heels. His mind felt woozy from confusion, his head spinning from the dozens of questions that went off in his head. Didn't he tell Ushijima he would be at volleyball practice? Did he forget? Why did he ask him to come home? Hinata's confusion was quickly replaced by a feeling of dread.</p><p>He had a feeling Ushijima wouldn't be too happy with him when he got home.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>There will be mixing of characters from different schools, so don’t worry if you don’t see our fav get! Won’t sleep on my Seijoh and Fukurodani boys*cough* Oikawa *cough* Akaashi</p><p>I know this chapter was a bit uneventful but it introduces the characters a bit, and I promise the next one will make up for it IF i don’t orphan this garbage by then.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"And where the hell," Ushijima demanded icily upon his return, "have you been all this time?"</p><p>Hinata froze, racking his brain for an explanation that was least likely to make his boyfriend explode from anger. He had secretly hoped that Ushijima would be working late so he could sneak in, but of course, he wouldn't be that lucky. Stepping through the doorway and closing the door behind him, Hinata began mentally drafting his will for his funeral.</p><p>"I walked home with Kenma today," he muttered. The moment he said it, his chest sunk with instant regret. Ushijima's nostrils flared, and the glare he leveled at Hinata could have stripped paint.</p><p>"Kenma," Ushijima hissed, as if 'Kenma' was a slimy thing he had found under a rock. "I thought I told you to stop talking to him!" Ushijima stepped closer, his brawny frame casting a looming shadow over Hinata, who caught a whiff of his breath. It smelled faintly of alcohol. Had he been drinking?</p><p>"He's my friend," Hinata whispered, hunching his shoulders in an effort to look as small and helpless as possible in hopes of Ushijima taking pity on him. Of course, he wouldn't have any luck with that, either.</p><p>"You don't need friends, you only need me!" Ushijima roared, his face growing redder in direct proportion with his anger. "It's like he's more important than me. Is that it?" His accusatory tone pierced through the air, making Hinata flinch.</p><p>"He's just my best friend!" He repeated, but nothing he could say would appease Ushijima, who was already angry that Hinata hadn't cut contact with Kenma like he was ordered to do after Ushijima found out that they've been walking home together.</p><p>"Is a friend more important than me?" Ushijima's face was deathly serious, as if he was sentencing Hinata to an execution instead of asking him about his friend. "It's like you prefer him over me. Do you know how horrible that makes me feel? You're a lying, cheating dastard who doesn't deserve all the love I give you."</p><p>"I'm sorry. And I promise I'm not cheating."</p><p>"How am I supposed to believe that? It's not enough. Cut him off. Now."</p><p><em>He's my best friend</em>, Hinata wanted to argue, but he lacked the courage; Ushijima was already angry enough. He figured it was safer to change the subject, although truthfully, he never felt safe in Ushijima's presence.</p><p>"Why did you ask me to come home?" Hinata asked meekly, although he already had an inkling of what it might be.</p><p>Heaving a sigh, Ushijima snatched an envelope from the dinner table and dramatically threw it at his feet. Hinata recognized it immediately."Your report card came home today." His eyes narrowed, lips curling upwards into a sneer that contorted his strong, chiseled features. "What are these grades?"</p><p>
  <em>Of course, that's it. My math grades were pretty low this semester...</em>
</p><p>"And after all the money I spent to support you," he continued, his derogatory words like knives cutting into Hinata's heart."It's like you don't even try."</p><p>How could Hinata explain that he <em>had</em> tried? That he stayed up late to study extra for the exams? His grades had improved, but just barely, and certainly not enough to please Ushijima. Hot tears blurred his vision, threatening to spill over. His lower lip quivered.</p><p>A wave of frustration surged through Hinata, giving him the courage to speak. "I tried! I'm not good at math, but I wasn't trying to disappoint you! I studied really hard..." His words were garbled and incoherent, but defending himself left him with an unusual sense of pride, a strange feeling he wasn't accustomed to. But purging his true emotions seemed to do him more favors than staying silent.</p><p>Unfortunately, Ushijima didn't seem to think the same. His eyes were steely with anger, a muscle feathering in his jaw. For a moment, it seemed as if he were at a loss for words.</p><p>"Well, you didn't try hard enough," he spat, making Hinata flinch. "Seriously, all you do is disappoint-"</p><p>"I <em>told</em> you I tried!"</p><p>What happened next was so fast Hinata's brain couldn't follow through. All he remembered was a blurry shape reaching out and painfully striking his face, the coppery flavor of blood spreading across the roof of his mouth. The room spun, and Hinata felt his body go weightless as he felt himself falling. Next thing he knew, he was sprawled on the floor, his hand pressed to his cheek where a painful throbbing sensation had slowly begun to take place.</p><p>A flicker of emotion materialized across Ushijima's stoic face. Pity? Anger? Perhaps even regret. But it quickly faded, replaced by the bitter disappointment that Hinata had become all too familiar with.</p><p>"Look what you made me do."</p><p><em>Made you do?</em> Hinata thought miserably, but he didn't dare say it out loud, fearful of being struck again. Tears lidded his lower lashes, slowly trickling down his cheeks every time he blinked.</p><p>Ushijima's eyes glinted with a sort of coldness that sent a chill down Hinata's spine. "Don't blame me," he said, as if he read Hinata's mind. Then, rather indifferently, he added, "If you didn't oppose me, I wouldn't have gone that far. It's your fault. And I'm your guardian. I should punish you if necessary."</p><p><em>You're wrong</em>, Hinata thought, but he had a feeling that voicing his honest feelings would result in worse than just a slap across his face.</p><p>"Am I wrong?" Ushijima asked, but the tone of his voice suggested that there was only one right answer to the question. Only one answer that would protect Hinata against the wrath of his boyfriend's fury.</p><p>"No, you're right."</p><p>Pleased with his obedience, Ushijima picked up the report card and threw it back onto the dinner table. "Go upstairs and start your homework," he ordered, his gaze softening like <em>rock</em> rather than <em>steel</em>. "You won't have dinner tonight. You don't deserve it. Don't you agree?"</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>"Good. And don't forget, you're not allowed to walk home with friends anymore. <em>Especially</em> Kenma. You don't need friends. You need me."</p><p>Hinata nodded again, then turned around and trudged up the stairs. His heart sunk with every step he took. The moment the door closed behind him, he collapsed, stricken with grief. He spluttered and coughed as tears coursed down his cheeks, dampening the hem of his sleeve as he wiped them out of his eyes. He pressed a hand to his mouth, muffling his anguished sobs.</p><p>Where did he go? The kind gentleman Hinata had once fallen in love with, the one who supported him after his parents' death?</p><p>Hinata knew that Ushijima had changed. That he was only in love with the memory of who he used to be; the only leverage to their relationship being the three years of happiness they had shared before Ushijima changed.</p><p>He knew that the current Ushijima wasn't making him happy at all. He knew that, but... he believed one day, things would get better. One day, Ushijima was going to apologize for every mark he left on Hinata's body and apologize for tainting his innocence through non-consensual molestation. One day, their relationship would go back to how it used to be.</p><p>One day, they were going to be happy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The sky outside Hinata's window was dark when Ushijima decided to pay him a visit. Soundlessly gliding across the room, he sat on Hinata's bed. He gently laid a hand on Hinata's shoulder, who remained lying on his side. For a moment, the only sound that could be heard was the bedposts creaking under their combined weight.</p><p>"I wanted to apologize earlier. I lost my temper."</p><p>Hinata stayed silent. No simple apology was going to rectify the situation. Hinata didn't trust himself to respond; he knew he would only lash out again.</p><p>"But you know I only did it because I love you, right?"</p><p><em>That's right</em>, Hinata thought, a realization slowly dawning on him. <em>He's doing this because he loves me.</em> How could Hinata stay angry at Ushijima when he was doing everything out of love?</p><p>Hinata's hostile feelings quickly evaporated, replaced by an overwhelming guilt. He was the worst boyfriend ever; a self-centered ingrate who spent too much time pitying himself.</p><p>Hinata turned around to face his boyfriend, guilt plastered on his face. Ushijima laid down next to him, gently raking his hand through Hinata's soft, ginger-colored hair that was knotted with tangles. Wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's body, Ushijima whispered into this nape of his neck, "You still love me, right? You're not angry? I only did it because I wanted the best for you."</p><p>A lump of emotions abruptly materialized in Hinata's throat."Yes, of course," he said, unable to keep the resentful undertone out of his voice. Ushijima sighed, gently caressing Hinata's bruises as if doing so would make them disappear, along with the traumatizing memories of how they were received.</p><p><em>This is different. It's not abuse if he's doing it out of love,</em> Hinata convinced himself over and over again like a broken record, like thinking it would make it true. The painful throbbing sensation in his cheek slowly subsided, the white-hot lump of emotions in his chest finally melting away.</p><p><em>He only did it because I deserved it.</em> This was his last thought before drowsiness took over his body as he felt his consciousness ebbing away. He melted into Ushijima's warm embrace, the rhythmic pulse of his breathing gently easing him to sleep.</p><p>
  <em>That's right. It was because he loves me.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I won’t put trigger warning at the beginning of every chapter, but let me warn you: this is just the beginning. seriously, it’ll only get worse so please if you get triggered don’t read this. </p><p>actually, please just don’t read this trash regardless.</p><p>what do you guys think???? of this chapter??</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Suga knew there was something wrong with Hinata the moment he showed up at volleyball practice the next day.</p><p>“Oh god. Oh no. What <em> happened?” </em>Suga demanded, his initial shock slowly transforming into horror. Hinata had a splotchy, hand-shaped bruise on his face that was dark purple in color, a stark contrast from his pale, creamy complexion. His left eye was severely swollen, suggesting that a heavy blow to the face had been the cause.</p><p>But the most concerning thing wasn’t his ugly bruise or his swollen eye, but the way his body sagged like his spirit had abandoned his body. His eyes, typically shining with passion and mirth, looked delicate and fragile like shards of broken glass. Even the exuberant smile he was commonly associated with had disappeared, replaced by a faraway, wistful expression. The poor boy looked so hopeless, so <em> broken, </em>that Suga had to suppress the urge to suffocate him in a hug.</p><p>Hinata managed a strained smile. “It’s nothing,” he replied, but he couldn’t muster the persuasive tone he had practiced in the mirror back at home. This time, the bruise was simply too big to conceal with makeup or well-versed lies. </p><p>A boisterous voice shattered the brief silence.“Hey, hey, hey! Shrimpy!” A tall boy with spiky grey hair and round, golden eyes approached him. The black streaks in his hair and the way they were patterned gave him an uncanny resemblance to an owl; whether that was done on purpose or not would remain a mystery to everyone who met him. “If your last excuse was that you were bitten by a dog, this time it looks like you were mauled by a bear or somethin’!”</p><p>“Bokuto, please leave the Hinata alone,” Akaashi said with a little sigh, his thick, scraggly eyebrows burrowed together in exasperation. Shifting his body to face Hinata, he inclined his head. “I apologize on his behalf.”</p><p>“It’s okay.” Hinata tried for a laugh, doing his best to disregard the sharp throbbing sensation on his left cheek.</p><p>“Hinata, are you okay?” Yamaguchi asked, examining Hinata’s face with genuine concern. <em> Thank god for Yamaguchi, </em> Hinata thought as he audibly sighed in relief. <em> It’s good to know that there’s at least one nice person left in this club. </em></p><p>“I wouldn’t worry about him too much, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima snickered. A patronizing smirk tugged at his lips. The bespectacled blond never relinquished the chance to publicly ridicule Hinata, and today was no exception. “The idiot probably just received another volleyball with his face.”</p><p>As if to prove that bad things came in pairs, Kuroo sauntered over. Taking one look at Hinata’s face, he burst into a fit, his raucous laughter piercing the air. “Hey, shrimpy! Did you receive with your face? <em> Again?” </em> He clutched his stomach, howling with laughter. Wiping the tears out of his eyes, he chuckled, “I thought you grew out of <em> that </em>habit by now.”</p><p>“No, I don’t think that’s it,” Suga muttered to himself, but no one heard him over the sound of Kuroo’s shrill laughter.</p><p>The commotion caused Kenma to walk over. His cat-like eyes searched Hinata’s face, settling on his new wound. A flicker of worry flitted across his seemingly neutral expression. “You didn’t have this when we walked home together,” he muttered in a low voice so only Hinata would hear. “Which means you got this after we parted ways. Did...did <em> he </em> do this to you? He put emphasis on the word “he”, but didn’t say Ushijima’s name. </p><p>“I’m… I’m okay,” Hinata managed, eluding the question that was originally asked. Kenma’s lips twitched in silent protest but he didn’t press for more, and for that, Hinata was endlessly grateful. He didn’t feel like talking with anyone about what happened last night. At least not in front of the whole volleyball club.</p><p>Thankfully, Suga seemed to understand the situation. Resting a hand on Hinata’s shoulder, he glanced at the coach who was reading a magazine on the bench.“I’m going to take Hinata out for a bit to talk,” he announced, giving Hinata a stern look to gently remind him that there was no point in protesting. “Is that okay?”</p><p>Upon being addressed, the coach glanced up from his magazine. He was a hefty man in his senior years, with scruffy gray hair and an even scruffier beard. He never paid attention to what the club members up to. It was no secret that he couldn’t care less about what happened during practice; most of the time, he didn’t even show up to their games.</p><p>“That’s fine,” he grunted, but Hinata suspected that the coach hadn't even heard the question. “Just be quick.”</p><p>“Let’s go, Hinata.” Suga began marching towards the doorway, and the rest of the members retreated back to their usual practice routine. Hinata glanced back at Kenma, who was still standing awkwardly next to him. </p><p>“Shoyo…” Hinata could detect the suspicious edge to his friend’s voice. He looked away; Kenma was too smart. Hinata was afraid that if he looked his friend in the eye, Kenma would be able to see right through his cheerful facade.</p><p>“I’m really okay,” Hinata reiterated, but he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince Kenma or himself. “I’ll see you later.”</p><p><br/>
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</p><p> </p><p>The moment the two boys were out of earshot, Suga grabbed Hinata’s shoulders and gave him a look so intense it <em> almost </em> reminded Hinata of Ushijima. <em> But it’s a different kind of intense, </em>he realized, because Ushijima's glare was terrifyingly angry and Suga just looked like he wanted to smother him in a hug.</p><p>“Did Ushijima do this to you?” He asked it like a question, but Hinata had a feeling that Suga already knew the answer. He just wanted to hear him say it. </p><p>This time, he didn’t even bother to lie. “Yeah.” That one word was enough for Hinata to break down in tears. He tried to stop but he just couldn’t; the water coursed down his face, his nose turning red and splotchy. Suga’s face was slack with bewilderment, his eyes in the same circle shape as his lips.</p><p>The confusion slowly turned into sympathy as Suga took the poor, vulnerable boy into a tight embrace. They stood there for a moment, Hinata's occasional hiccups punctuating the prolonged periods of silence. Then releasing him, Suga whispered, “Why didn’t you tell us?”</p><p>Through his tears, Hinata blubbered, “I’m sorry. It’s just...I didn’t want to burden anyone.” Well, that was half true. The other half was that he didn’t want word to get out that he was being abused by his own <em>boyfriend. </em>For some reason, it ashamed him, and he treated the information like it was a filthy secret.</p><p>There was nothing that Suga could say to comfort Hinata without sounding ingenuine. Hinata sniveled quietly into the hem of his sleeve. When he seemed to regain some of his composure, Suga asked, “How far has he gone?”</p><p>Hinata stopped crying. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean, he obviously gave you those bruises. And I’m sure he verbally abuses you, too. But like, you know…” he trailed off, desperately racking his brain for the right thing to say. He decided it was best to be blunt. “Have you guys had sex?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Suga’s little gasp made Hinata wince, and he hastily amended, “Yeah, I know I’m still a minor. But…” Hinata shifted awkwardly on one foot. “He… he said it was just a drunken mistake. So... it’s okay.” For some reason, saying the words out loud made it sound appalling, even to him. “Besides, he’s my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Hinata.” Suga grabbed his shoulders to let him know he wasn’t joking around. The compassionate but stern gleam in his eyes reminded Hinata of his late mother, and the realization formed a sudden lump in his throat. “Was it consensual?” </p><p>Hinata bit his lower lip. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Don’t lie.”</p><p>Startled by his forceful tone, Hinata looked down at his feet to evade Suga’s intense stare. “I didn’t stop him,” he muttered. That was only half true, too, but Suga didn’t have to know that.</p><p>“Doesn’t make it okay,” Suga said gently, his eyes softening. “If you’re clearly not enjoying it, then it’s assault. That, and you’re also a minor. You have to break up with him. <em> Now</em>. He’s ruining you, and we both know that.”</p><p>“He gives me financial support,” Hinata argued, his jaw set firmly with resolve.</p><p>“He also gives you bruises, think about that,” Suga shot back, equally fierce.</p><p>Hinata lowered his head in defeat. “I know,” he whispered softly. Somehow, hearing someone else say it to him made it seem more like reality instead of a hellish nightmare. “Just… please don’t tell anyone,” he begged.</p><p>That was the last thing Suga expected him to say. “Hinata, he’s <em>abusing </em>you. You can’t expect me to just stay silent,” Suga argued. When Hinata didn’t answer, he added, “He’s hurting you. I can’t just stand by and watch.”</p><p>“Please,” Hinata begged, his hands clasped together in desperation. He looked up at Suga, his mouth set into a thin line of determination. “He’ll… he’ll get better one day, I’m sure of it. So please… don’t tell anyone.”</p><p>“Why do you keep defending him? It’s not like he deserves it.”</p><p>“I know,” Hinata mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. “But… I know he’s a good person deep down. We’re going to be happy one day, I know it. Yeah, that’s right. He’s still a good person.” It almost seemed like he was trying to convince himself as if repeating the words would somehow make them a reality. </p><p><em> You’re only in love with his memory, </em> Suga wanted to say. But Hinata looked so broken, so <em> desperate </em>like he wanted to believe his own lie that Suga didn’t have the heart to break it to him. Instead, he rested a hand on Hinata’s head and tousled his ginger-colored hair, murmuring, “Okay. I won’t tell anyone. But please… be careful.”</p><p><br/>
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<strong>...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The next day at school, Suga found himself searching the school for a certain ravenette. </p><p><em> I haven’t been in this hallway since last year, </em> Suga thought to himself as his eyes scanned the hallways for any sign of the boy he was looking for. <em> Probably a rest period for the second years, </em>he presumed; the way the students freely wandered the hallways clued him in, along with the clamorous chatter of students that was strictly prohibited during any study period.</p><p>“Excuse me,” Suga said, approaching a familiar-looking boy with round-rimmed glasses and jet-black hair, “Would you happen to know where Kageyama from class 2 is?”</p><p>“Kageyama? Perhaps you mean Kageyama Tobio?” the boy asked, pushing his glasses higher up on his nose. His relaxed demeanor and refined way of speaking seemed oddly familiar. A faint memory tugged at the back of Suga’s mind. Round-rimmed glasses… jet-black hair… <em> Of course, </em> Suga realized with a start, mentally slapping himself in the forehead. <em> That’s our school’s student council president. </em></p><p>“Yes, that’s him.”</p><p>The boy tilted his head to the side as if he was in deep thought. “He usually goes to the vending machine during break, but I can’t guarantee he’ll be there.” </p><p>“Thank you. That’s enough,” Suga replied, then spun around and headed towards the only vending machine in the entire school. Just like the student president had promised, Suga found him in front of the vending machine, hunched over the various snack options. Noticing Suga’s reflection in the glass cover of the vending machine, the boy turned, his eyes widening with slight surprise. </p><p>“Suga, what are you doing here? This isn’t the third years’ hallway.”</p><p>Suga took a deep breath, his promise with Hinata vying with his own personal morals. He had promised Hinata that he wouldn’t tell anyone, but… he couldn’t simply stand by and watch. He had to do <em> something.  </em></p><p>“Hey, Kageyama. I have to talk to you. It’s… it’s about Hinata.”</p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh my lord, the amount of support I received on the last chapter was insane!!! Thank you guys so much, honestly, it gives me so much motivation to write well.</p><p>This chapter was a bit boring, but I promise it's important for the buildup of the main plot! This is where Kageyama will really come to play, so I know it might be a bit of a task to read through this chapter but I hope you stick with me!!</p><p>ALso, one more thing: Updates will be a bit slower. I usually update every three days, but I notice that when I try to keep it up, my writing declines in quality sort of like this chapter I tried to finish by deadline. To keep my chapters of the highest quality, I think I"m going to update about every four or five days instead. Thank you :)</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you guys so much for 100 kudos ;-; don’t deserve you guys omg</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kageyama found it hard to believe that Hinata, the boy who typically radiated unwavering kindness and amiability, was eating lunch <em> alone. </em>But there he was, sitting on the steps of a secluded stairwell near the school’s storage room, hungrily wolfing down the contents of his lunch. </p><p>“Hey,” Kageyama said loudly, hovering over a mop of orange-brown hair. Hinata yelped in surprise, nearly falling head-first down the stairs. He stared up at Kageyama, his hazel eyes blinking owlishly. </p><p>“Ka… Kageyama?” he stammered, the surprise on his face mingling with confusion. “What are you doing here?” </p><p>“Mind if I sit down?” Kageyama asked, but he was already squishing himself into the cramped space between Hinata’s body and the other side of the stairwell. Hinata scooted over the one side, but even then, there was hardly enough space for two people. </p><p>The silence that followed loomed over their heads like an impending storm. Many of Kageyama’s skills had progressed over the years, but now, too late, he realized that initiating a conversation was not one of them. </p><p>“Do you usually eat alone?” Kageyama asked idly, anxious to start a conversation. Hinata seemed apprehensive, as if he was expecting an interrogation instead of a nice chat. Well, Kageyama didn’t blame him. The words <em> friendly </em> and <em> Kageyama Tobio </em>were seldom heard together in the same sentence.</p><p>Hinata drew his lips back into a hyperbolic pout like he was appalled by the question. “I usually eat with Kenma! But he went home early today since he wasn’t feeling well.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>An impish grin crept across Hinata’s face, and Kageyama could feel the tense atmosphere between them gradually thinning. “Why are you so surprised? You probably eat lunch alone, anyway.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Kageyama grumbled, but the irritation he should have felt wasn’t there. After hearing about Hinata’s little situation at home, Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed with him anymore. </p><p>And maybe, just maybe, Kageyama wanted to help him.</p><p>“Here,” Kageyama said, shoving his hand into his back pocket. His fingers fumbled over the odds and ends inside: a few coins, a crumpled dollar bill, and a snapped rubber band. Then his fingers closed around a scrap of paper, and pulling it out triumphantly, he offered it to Hinata who accepted it with a perplexed look on his face. </p><p>“That’s my new phone number,” Kageyama explained, his face suffused with a rosy pink. “You ran away last time before I gave it to you.”</p><p>“Thanks.” For a moment, neither of them spoke, but this time the silence didn’t seem as intimidating.</p><p>Hinata was the first to speak. “Your handwriting sucks, Kageyama.”</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>Hinata laughed, then made a big show of folding the paper twice and slipping it inside a little compartment in his lunch box. It didn’t matter to Kageyama that Hinata’s lunch box was pink and had cartoon chickens painted on it, or the fact that it made him appear childlike. Cute, even. No, it didn’t matter at all. Obviously.</p><p>Another silence fell upon them, and once again, Hinata was the one to break it. “Why did you come all this way to give me your phone number?”</p><p>“Because,” Kageyama began, choosing his next words carefully, “We’re friends. So you can call me, in case… in case you have trouble at home.” </p><p>Hinata went still. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Kageyama tilted his head, letting his eyes trace the narrow crevice that zig-zagged across the ceiling. “Sugawara told me.” He felt Hinata physically stiffen next to him; his legs stopped bouncing, his thumbs stopped twiddling, and his endearing smile sagged ever-so-slightly. It was like all the restless energy inside of him had suddenly evaporated, replaced with a kind of calmness that Kageyama found unsettling.</p><p>“Oh.” Hinata’s voice was very small. He stared straight ahead, as if he was determined to look anywhere other than Kageyama’s face.</p><p><em>That was the worst way you could’ve brought up the subject, </em>Kageyama mentally castigated himself. “I mean, Sugawara said he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone, but he thought telling a close friend might help. So don’t get too mad at him,” he hastily amended, but his words seemed to lack conviction. </p><p>Hinata responded with a mechanical nod of his head. “Did you ever suspect it? Before Suga told you, I mean.”</p><p>“If I’m being honest, I totally thought you were bitten by a dog.”</p><p>“You’re the only one that’s stupid enough to believe those lies, Kageyama.” Hinata’s tone was humorous, but his eyes lacked their usual playfulness. </p><p>Kageyama stole a glanced furtively at the clock hanging on the left wall; lunch was already halfway over and he hadn’t taken a bite of his food yet. Hastily peeling off the top of his yogurt, he took a spoonful, feeling the cold, creamy sweetness fill the insides of his mouth. Hinata finished the last piece of his sandwich, chewing noisily. They finished their food in silence. When Kageyama finished his yogurt, he asked, “Did he give you that bruise and the swollen eye?”</p><p>A muscle feathered in Hinata’s jaw, but the rest of his face remained deliberately neutral. “No. I mean, yes. But it’s not what you think. We just got into a disagreement, that’s all.” </p><p>“Why, though?” Kageyama asked, genuinely confused. “I don’t get it. Why would he hit his boyfriend? Unless like, I don’t know, he doesn’t love-”</p><p>“He loves me.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“He loves me,” Hinata repeated brusquely, his tone indicating that further conversation would not be good for Kageyama’s health.</p><p>“Yeah,” Kageyama said, his throat dry. “Yeah, okay.”</p><p>Tears sprang into the corner of Hinata’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said suddenly, vigorously wiping his eyes with the hem of his sleeve. “I’m being rude. I usually don’t cry this much. But whenever someone brings it up, I get super emotional.” He managed a strangled laugh. “Sorry. Ah. This is embarrassing.” Kageyama fought down a strange sense of pride as he watched the blush climb up Hinata’s neck.</p><p>“I think I understand. Actually, no I don’t. But you can cry.” If his older sister heard that he was consoling a friend, she would laugh in utter disbelief. <em> Tobio? Comforting a friend? </em> She would laugh, as if she was just told the funniest joke in the world. <em> Yeah, right. </em></p><p>Hinata drew a deep, shuddering breath. “I guess I judged you too quickly, Kageyama. I thought you were insensitive and mean. But look at you, trying to comfort me as I cry like a baby,” he said, his voice low and toneless.</p><p>“I mean, I can’t really do much more than comfort you. Suga said to not push you to get out of the relationship,” Kageyama said haltingly, replaying his conversation with Suga in his head. “He said that’s for you to decide. But,” he faltered, suddenly at a loss for words. What could he say to someone whose problems came from someone he lived with? It’ll get better? Hang in there?</p><p>“You can call me whenever,” he decided. “As long as I’m not practicing volleyball, I promise I’ll pick up.”</p><p>“Whenever? Really?” </p><p>“If you ever need someone to talk to. I’m not good with words, but you know, in case you just want to talk to anyone. I’m saying I care what happens to you,” Kageyama said, prattling with the incoherency of a toddler. Then, for good measure, he added, “dumbass.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Hinata’s tone was sarcastic, but his eyes were shining with gratitude. The most imperceptible trace of a smile lurked at the corners of his lips. Kageyama’s eyes scanned Hinata’s face, searching for any sign of false pretense.</p><p>But the smile he saw was genuine.</p><p>
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</p><p> </p><p>Heaving a sigh as he collapsed onto his bed, Hinata replayed the day’s events in his head.</p><p><em> You can call me whenever, </em>Kageyama had told him. The words echoed over and over in his ears like a sweet melody, filling Hinata with a feeling of warmth that was least expected from someone like Kageyama.</p><p><em> Who knew he had the ability to be kind? </em>Hinata thought with a little chuckle. His phone buzzed in his back pocket, and Hinata immediately sat up in his bed. His fingers shook in anticipation as he opened his messages, then realized it was just Ushijima letting him know that he would be back late. A shuddering jolt of disappointment ran through Hinata’s body, followed by a twinge of guilt.</p><p><em> You have a boyfriend, </em> he scolded himself, staring up at the creamy-white ceiling of his bedroom. <em> You’re just touched that he reached out to you, that’s all. Stop acting like a lovesick teenager. </em></p><p>As if to prove him wrong, his phone sounded once more. Taut with excitement, he unlocked his phone screen and saw that this time, there was a message from Kageyama. </p><p>It was a picture; most likely a selfie, but it was too blurry to tell. Using two fingers to pinch and zoom in on the photo, Hinata was sorely disappointed to realize there was no point; it was still a blurry mess. Closing out of the photo, he read the little text underneath. It read: <em> <strong>Hi. It’s Kageyama</strong>. </em></p><p>Hinata laughed out loud, and suddenly the emptiness of his room seemed a bit less lonely. Leave it to Kageyama to use conventional grammar while <em> texting. </em>He scrolled through his camera roll for something to send back, but he soon discovered that he had no pictures of himself. He searched through his entire phone but there were only volleyballs, trees, and a random sunset, but no pictures of him.</p><p>Hinata flopped down on his pillow, sweeping his ginger-colored hair above his head. The lower half of his face was buried in the bed covers, but when he snapped the picture, he felt like it was an accurate representation. He stared at that boy for a while, the giddy glow behind his eyes, the hint of a smile on his cheeks, and thought, <em> Yes. This is how I feel right now.  </em></p><p>He sent it to Kageyama saying, <strong> <em>This is how you take a good picture. </em> </strong></p><p><em> <strong>I’m just not used to the new phone yet,</strong> </em>Kageyama answered. Hinata couldn’t help but smile as he pictured Kageyama glowering over his phone, his eyebrows scrunched together in irritation. His fingers hovered over the keyboard but before he could type out a witty answer, Kageyama had sent him two more texts.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>The volleyball club is hosting a picnic tomorrow at the park near our school. Would you like to come?</em> </strong>
</p><p>Hinata thought of the way clouds looked in the sky. That was the way he suspected it looked inside of his body right now: light, airy, and bursting with happiness.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I mean, it’s not like I’m inviting you personally. But we’re having a little get-together before the game next week, so it makes sense you should come along, too. And I think it’d be nice to have you there. </em> </strong>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a ha you thought this would be a simple fix with kags punching farmer boy in the face and everyone is happy, huh???? AHAHAHA NO. i mean, this is hopefully more realistic??? kinda how it went for me so idk. like there’s denial and stuff, and also that no one can really make decisions for you. i hope this was accurate :( and i know hinata is overly emotional, but whenever someone brings up trauma? i get super teary eyed. like it just kinda overflows. i hope i showed that accurately, too!</p><p> </p><p>also very important question; is this format okay??? or is it easier to read double spaced?? i see most people use this format but i understand things can get cramped??? so idk</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Hinata has a panic attack? I don't know if this is important information but I don't want anyone getting triggered. Nothing too serious, but just in case :(((</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hinata, over here!”</p><p>Hinata’s head instinctively swiveled towards the direction of the familiar voice. Leaning on the fountain in the middle of the park, Suga was waving a hand in the air, motioning him over with a joyous smile on his face. With him were five others: Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and Kenma. </p><p>Hinata broke into a jog as he headed towards his friends. He could feel the grass tickling his ankles as he ran, the morning dew permeating through his shoes and dampening his socks. Before him stood a vast field of bright green grass, melting into azure where it met the sky. Without a doubt, it was the perfect day for a picnic. The balmy weather of late spring brought upon a gentle gust of wind, balancing out the fiery heat of the sun’s rays. Even the tree leaves seemed to shimmer under the dazzling radiance of the sun, creating a stunning tapestry of little green fairies dancing across the branches as they swayed back and forth with the wind.</p><p>Hinata could hardly contain his excitement. “Hi, everyone!” he exclaimed, although clearly, his enthusiasm wasn’t shared by everyone in the group. Tsukishima was wearing his headphones, showing no indication that he had seen nor heard Hinata. Iwaizumi had an annoyed scowl on his face, but that wasn’t too surprising; a scowl rested on his face more naturally than anything. (Although Hinata couldn’t blame him, given that Iwaizumi was pestered by Oikawa nearly every day.) Kenma, as usual, wore a listless expression as he tapped away at his phone, presumably playing some mobile phone game.</p><p>“Hinata, you came!” Yamaguchi laughed. He was the only person there who seemed like he was genuinely happy to see him. His blond friend, on the other hand, regarded him out of the corner of his eye like Hinata was mold growing in the basement.</p><p>“Kageyama invited me!”</p><p>“Hi, Shoyo,” Kenma said, setting down his phone. He was wearing his usual gray sweatshirt with fleecy sweatpants of the same color. Hinata inwardly wondered if Kenma had multiple pairs of the same clothes. Since the day they met, Hinata never saw much variety between Kenma’s wardrobe.</p><p>“Hi, Kenma!” Hinata smiled. “I didn’t think you would show up!”</p><p>“I only came because you came,” Kenma replied simply, then proceeded to tap away at his phone.</p><p>“Hey.” Suga’s voice was deliberately neutral, but his eyes darted around awkwardly. A potentially uncomfortable meeting was well underway; the two hadn’t talked since Hinata’s little rant.</p><p>Thankfully, Oikawa knew how to break a silence, albeit rather ostentatiously. “Did Shrimpy <em>have </em>to come? I can’t believe Tobio invited him. Can’t we send him back?” he whined, but his tone was humorous and playful. He batted his heavily-lidded lashes towards Iwaizumi in a flirtatious manner. “ <em> I </em>only need Iwa-chan!”</p><p>Iwaizumi’s face turned a dark shade of crimson as Oikawa clung to his arm. “You’re a horrible person,” he muttered, but he didn’t shake Oikawa off. With a triumphant smirk, Oikawa rested his head on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, causing Iwaizumi to grumble something under his breath about regretting his choice to date Oikawa. But everyone could see the hint of a smile that lingered on his cheeks.</p><p><em> They look so happy together, </em> Hinata thought with a pang of envy, watching the others laugh as Oikawa dodged a punch from Iwaizumi. <em> When was the last time Ushijima and I laughed together like that? </em>Jealousy bubbled inside of his chest, biting him like a pair of shoes that were three sizes too small. He looked away, choking back a sob.</p><p>Hinata checked his phone; it was three in the afternoon. He had two hours left until he had to start heading home. The only way he was able to receive Ushijima’s permission to meet with his friends was the fact that he promised he would be home by five-thirty. <em> Don’t be late, </em>Ushijima had instructed him. The warning lingered in the back of Hinata’s mind, gently reminding him that this time, he wouldn’t get away with just a slap across the face if he dared to be late again.</p><p><em> Stop that, </em> Hinata mentally scolded himself. <em> Don’t be mad at him. Last time was because I deserved it. He just wants me back in time to make sure I’m safe. </em></p><p>Not long after, the rest of the members arrived. There were five more people: Kageyama, Kuroo, Lev, Yaku, and Bokuto. With a start, Hinata realized that the majority of the club members weren’t there.</p><p>“Where is everyone else?” Hinata demanded, his eyes darting around the empty park as if the others might be hiding behind a tree. “Not even half of us are here!”</p><p>“Akaashi didn’t want to come,” Bokuto said with a laugh, then pouted in a petulant manner. “I begged for the longest time, but he said he would rather stay at home.”</p><p>Kuroo tilted his head. “He didn’t come even though you asked? That’s strange. He usually does whatever you ask him to do.”</p><p>“I actually had to beg to get Yaku to come, too!” Lev laughed, the sun casting a luminous glow across his face. Yaku promptly jabbed him in the ribs in response, causing Lev to double over in pain while making sounds similar to a dying walrus. </p><p>“I didn’t come because of you,” he huffed, but much like Iwaizumi, he was struggling to stay deadpan. The carmine flush that suffused his cheeks was the dead giveaway that perhaps he <em> had </em>come because Lev would be there.</p><p>“Hinata. Hey.” He whirled around to see Kageyama, who had somehow managed to sneak up on him. Hinata’s brain immediately began to work overtime, searching for an answer that wouldn’t make him sound like a flustered teenager.</p><p>“Oh...uh, hi. Hi. Yeah. Hi, Kageyama,” he finally managed, praying he didn’t sound as awkward as he felt. Remembering their conversation yesterday during lunch and their text exchanges after school, Hinata felt a sudden urge to cover his face with embarrassment. He hadn’t meant to show his vulnerable side to someone he was hardly acquainted with.</p><p>Thankfully, Kageyama was more successful at putting up a neutral front. “Glad you came,” he answered simply, shaking the hair out of his eyes. He was acting like his usual self, not showing any indication that he remembered their conversations yesterday. Hinata felt his body go slack with relief. He was the only one freaking out, after all. </p><p>“Now that everyone’s here, let’s play a game of volleyball!” Suga exclaimed, garnering everyone’s attention. “I brought a portable net and everything.”</p><p>“I’m going to be on the same team as Kageyama!” Hinata announced loudly, beaming at Kageyama. “He’s going to toss to me!”</p><p>“Don’t go deciding everything for me,” Kageyama grumbled, but he didn’t argue. As a setter, he had to admit had a lot of fun tossing to Hinata, too.</p><p>“Then I’m going with Iwa-chan…!”</p><p>“Someone get him away from me.”</p><p>Hinata laughed. He didn’t remember the last time he’d felt so... free. He could feel his chest expanding with happiness, a little bubble of optimism blossoming inside of his chest. Even the bruise on his cheek hurt a little less. </p><p>He checked his phone and found that only ten minutes had passed. He sighed in relief. </p><p>There was still plenty of time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p>“That was a good game!” Bokuto laughed, wiping the sweat off of his face with his arm. “If only Akaashi could see the amazing cut shot I made in that last set!”</p><p>“Don’t get cocky, now,” Kuroo shot back, although it sounded hypocritical coming from someone like him. “That was just a fluke. I stopped nearly all of your other shots.”</p><p>"What about Tsukki's block?" Yamaguchi prattled, beaming at his bespectacled partner. "That was something!"</p><p>"Shut up, Yamaguchi."</p><p>"Sorry, Tsukki!"</p><p>“More importantly,” Yaku began, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. “Hinata, you were limping around during the entire match. That’s… quite unlike you.”</p><p>Hinata flinched. He was hoping to get away without any public confrontation, but just as he feared, Yaku’s perceptiveness saw right through his facade. The entire group fell silent, turning their heads in Hinata’s direction.</p><p>Suga came to his rescue. “Hinata, I told you to stop over practicing!” he scolded, the exasperation in his voice sounding so genuine that for a moment, Hinata thought he was actually being reprimanded. Then it hit him that Suga was just acting, and he immediately began to play along.</p><p>“Erm… sorry,” he muttered, causing Yaku to give him a strange look. But before he could be questioned further, Lev ran towards the picnic basket, his silver-gray hair slick with sweat as it bobbed up and down in rhythm with his movement.</p><p>“I’m hungry!” he exclaimed, rummaging through the basket. “Let’s eat!”</p><p>That was enough to end the conversation. While the others were busy setting up the picnic blankets, Hinata checked his phone for the umpteenth time that day and found that he still had roughly half an hour left. An audible sigh of relief escaped him.</p><p>“Hinata, come on!” Yamaguchi laughed, holding a meat bun in the air. “If you don’t come, Lev’s going to eat them all!”</p><p>A tender, genuine laugh escaped Hinata. He smiled. </p><p>“I’m coming.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <strong>...</strong>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The next time Hinata checked his phone, he was overtaken by a wave of fear. A cold feeling slowly traversed down his back, abruptly materializing into dread in the pit of his stomach. His jaw grew slack with shock, and he could feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. </p><p>“Oh no,” he muttered under his breath, standing up from the picnic blanket, causing the others to look at him in bewilderment. “Oh no, no, <em> no.” </em>He gripped his phone. He could feel the panic muddling his senses, and he was dimly aware of Suga resting a reassuring hand on his back. He could hear his friends nearby asking if he was okay, but their voices sounded far away like an echo reverberating inside of a cave.</p><p>“Shrimpy...?” Kuroo asked, but he looked more confused than he was worried. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I think he’s choking!” Lev yelled, and he immediately proceeded to perform the Heimlich maneuver on Hinata. </p><p>“That’s obviously not it!” Yaku scolded, but he was looking at Hinata. “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“I… I need to go home,” Hinata managed, the words tasting like metal in his mouth. His head was pounding, preventing him from forming a complete thought. “I’m late.” It was six. Thirty minutes after he promised he would be home. The fact that Ushijima hadn’t texted him demanding his whereabouts made the situation even more terrifying, and it was taking everything he had to not burst into tears right then and there.</p><p>
  <em>How could I be so stupid?</em>
</p><p>As usual, Suga was the first one to catch on to the situation. “Hinata, do you think there’s someone you could ride home with?” </p><p>“I don’t…  I…” He couldn’t manage full sentences. It felt like all the air was being squeezed out of his chest. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t even hear. He wished someone would just slap him hard to drag him back into the state of coherency. All he could think was, <em> I have to get home. Now.  </em></p><p>Kenma spoke up for the first time that day. “I can. I drove here.” His cat-like eyes sought Hinata’s hazel ones as if he was asking for permission. “Besides, we live close to each other.”</p><p>“Then it’s settled,” Suga said with an air of finality, but there was a worried undertone to his voice. “It’s getting late, anyway. The rest of us should head home, too.”</p><p>“Let’s go Shoyo,” Kenma said, dangling his car keys on his index finger. Hinata could practically feel Kageyama’s intense stare boring holes into the back of his head. He had a feeling Kageyama knew, too.</p><p>“Hinata, are you really okay?” Bokuto asked as Hinata was walking away, although, like Kuroo, his expression was more perplexed than concerned. “You looked like you were going to die or something!”</p><p>“I’m not dead yet,” Hinata muttered gravely so no one could hear him. “But when I get home and face <em> him, </em> I’m going to <em> wish </em>I was.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry updates are so slow, but once a week seems to work best for me ^^ hope you guys are enjoying the story!! Another reason why they're getting slow is because I got a super good idea for an Iwaoi one shot that's about 18k words so far, and I hope to post it sometime next month lol</p><p>yes i made iwaoi cannon in this chapter WHAT ABOUT IT</p><p>A H A Ushijima about to go apeshit next chapter :(</p><p>Please overlook any grammatical errors!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>some physical content in this chapter, unfortunately:///</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The car ride home was silent.</p><p>It was nothing new, really, since the majority of Hinata’s conversations with Kenma were dreadfully one-sided, and often resulted in a brief silence following their exchange. </p><p>This time, however, the tension in Kenma’s car was so thick that Hinata felt like it was necessary to make a conscious effort to breathe. Although that could have just been the musty car smell that lingered in the air, since Kenma never bothered to clean his car. Or anything, for that matter.</p><p>Miraculously, <em> Kenma </em>was the first to initiate the conversation. “Shoyo, what was that all about?”</p><p><em> Kenma talked to me first, </em> Hinata realized with a start. He bit the inside of his lip to suppress a giggle. <em> I have now officially seen everything. </em></p><p>“I…” he faltered, searching for the right words only to find that there were none. He averted his eyes so he wouldn’t they wouldn’t have to meet Kenma’s through the driver’s window.</p><p>“You can tell me,” Kenma urged. His voice was calm, but his steely eyes maintained their intense focus on the road. The only attestation of his pent-up annoyance were his knuckles, turning white as they clenched the driver’s wheel. </p><p>Why hadn’t he told Kenma yet? He was Hinata’s best friend after all, and if he was able to open up to an upperclassman like Suga or a mere acquaintance like Kageyama, then telling his best friend would hardly present itself as a challenge.</p><p>“I…” he began again, fidgeting awkwardly in the passenger’s seat. He let his gaze drift towards the misted-up window, surveying the eerily quiet streets in an attempt to clear his mind. Another lie mindlessly escaped his lips. “I… have an assignment due at seven that I have to complete.”</p><p>The car lurched to a halt as Kenma aggressively stomped his foot on the brakes. His expression was impenetrable, refusing to betray his candid emotions. “We both know that’s not true.” </p><p>“It is,” Hinata shot back with a teenager’s defiance, tucking both legs underneath his body. He would get pins and needles later for doing that, but at the moment he didn’t care. “I forgot… to do my assignment.”</p><p>Kenma didn’t respond, but the silence that followed implied he wasn’t willing to let Hinata off the hook just yet. Pulling into Hinata’s driveway, Kenma turned around to face him, the intense glint in his eyes eerily bright in contrast to the darkness outside of the car windows.</p><p>“You can tell me,” he said quietly. The slight warble in his voice hinted that he wasn’t as calm as he let off. “I won’t press you, but I just want you to know that I’m your friend. So one day, when you’re ready… I would like to hear the truth.”</p><p><em> I’m horrible, </em> Hinata thought to himself, his chest sinking further with guilt. He couldn’t force himself to meet Kenma’s eyes. <em> I’m lying straight to his face, and he knows it.  </em></p><p>“Yeah,” Hinata finally said, his toneless voice matching <em> exactly </em> how he was feeling at the moment. He pressed his hand against the passenger’s handle. When he heard the soft <em> click </em>as the door unlocked, he began to climb out of the door. “I’m sorry. I’ll… see you tomorrow.”</p><p>He didn’t wait to hear Kenma’s reply. Gently closing the car door behind him, Hinata walked across his front lawn, deliberately disregarding the fact that his socks were getting soaked by last night’s rain that permeated through his shoes.</p><p>Through the front window, Hinata could see that the living room lights were off. <em> Is it possible, </em> he thought, a glimmer of hope sparking inside of his chest, <em> that he isn’t home yet? </em></p><p>If that was the case, he could simply pretend he had arrived on time. There would be no way for Ushijima to accuse him of otherwise. Carefully, Hinata placed a hand on the doorknob, his optimism rising by a single, hesitant notch as he opened the front door.</p><p>The moment he passed through the front door, light immediately flooded the room, blinding him. Hinata felt his chest sink with instant regret. <em> Of course, </em> he thought, as he watched Ushijima rise up from the couch, the uncompromising fury rippling off of his broad stature. <em> I’m not that lucky. </em></p><p>“How nice of you to come home,” Ushijima snarled, accenting each word in rhythm with his steps as he advanced towards Hinata who remained trembling in the doorway. His words were calm, but Ushijima’s seething eyes and his clenched fists made it clear that he was failing to restrain his growing anger “I was just thinking you might never come.”</p><p>Hinata pressed his back against the doorway as if doing so would somehow let him escape through it. “I’m… sorry,” he muttered, the familiar words leaving his lips before he could even process what he was saying.</p><p>Unfortunately, the words only seemed to anger Ushijima further. “<em> Sorry?” </em> he exploded, his looming frame casting a shadow over Hinata’s smaller one. “You think it’s okay as long as you’re <em> sorry?” </em></p><p>“Yes. I mean no. I mean…” Hinata stammered, dropping his gaze towards his feet. No matter what was said, Ushijima wasn’t going to let him off the hook this time. </p><p>He watched as Ushijima massaged his temples as if he were dealing with a troublesome toddler. “You’re always doing this,” he hissed, his features contorted with rage. “You did it two days ago, and you’re doing it again now.” </p><p>“I lost track of time.” He hated himself for being unable to control the quavering of his voice. “I’m really sorry, please forgive me,” he pleaded fervently, his hands clasped together as if he were reciting a prayer.</p><p>Ushijima tensed, his fist visibly shaking like he was suffering from a compulsive muscle  spasm. Hinata closed his eyes, bracing for an impact.</p><p>But it never came.</p><p>“I’ll let you off this time,” Ushijima said slowly, as if saying the words took a great deal of effort. “You should be grateful that I’m in a good mood today.”</p><p>Hinata could feel the all of the tension inside of his body being released. He felt like sobbing with relief. “Thank you,” he managed, his breaths coming in short, abrupt gasps. He turned around with newfound buoyancy, about to head upstairs when he was suddenly cut short.</p><p>“Wait.” Ushijima’s voice was dangerously sharp. Hinata turned around, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach. “Who was that in the car?”</p><p>“Wh… What do you mean?”</p><p>“The. Car,” Ushijima said, accenting every word. His eyes were smoldering with an uncompromising fury. “You walked there. So who drove you home?”</p><p>For the second time that day, Hinata felt like slapping himself for his sheer stupidity. </p><p>“That… was Kenma’s car, wasn’t it?” Ushijima asked innocently, but the tone of his voice suggested that he already knew the answer. He was <em> literally </em>trembling with rage, breathing stagnant and heavy as if he were about to suffer from a heart attack. “Well,” he demanded, “Was it?”</p><p>Hinata was unable to suppress the guilty expression that surfaced on his face. It took everything he had to keep his knees from buckling under the intensity of Ushijima’s glare.</p><p>“I see how it is.” Ushijima’s voice was cool and sharp, like metal that had been cooled inside of a forge. “You haven’t cut him off yet?”</p><p>Hinata decided it was safer not to answer.</p><p>“Answer me!” Ushijima shrieked, the uncontrollable anger exploding all at once. “He drove you home! Why didn’t you cut him off yet?”</p><p>“I…” Hinata began in an attempt to defend himself, but Ushijima cut him off.</p><p>“It’s like he’s more important than me!” Ushijima went on, shaking his head wildly like he was suffering from a splitting headache. “Is our promise not important? You don’t <em> need </em>friends. You have me!”</p><p>Ushijima advanced on Hinata, his arm reaching out and suddenly grabbing his wrist. A lance of pain shot up his arm as Ushijima began to drag him towards the stairs, either not noticing or not caring that he was twisting Hinata’s wrist at an agonizingly sharp angle.</p><p>With his free hand, Ushijima swung open the door to his room and threw him inside. Hinata collapsed into a crumpled heap on the floor. Usbijima loomed in the doorway, blocking out the hallway lights.</p><p>“That should teach you,” he snarled, “that you should listen to what I say.”</p><p>Sprawled in the middle of his room, Hinata cradled his bad wrist in a futile attempt to alleviate the pain. Once dull and painless, the throbbing sensation had excruciatingly spread, materializing as a smarting pulsation across his whole arm.</p><p>“And remember,” Ushijima continued, his hand reaching for the doorknob. “I’m doing this all for you.” He reached in and snatched Hinata’s phone, tapping his fingers furiously. “I’m blocking Kenma.” He tossed the phone back to Hinata, hitting him square in the face.</p><p>Hinata clenched his teeth to stop himself from fighting back. He didn’t need to get himself into more trouble than he already was.</p><p>“One more thing,” Ushijima added, almost like an afterthought. Closing the door slightly, he said, “You’re staying home for a week.”</p><p><em> Well, that isn’t so bad, </em> Hinata thought, strangely relieved. <em> At least I can miss math. </em></p><p>Then the realization struck him.</p><p>“I have a volleyball game tomorrow!” he mewled, desperately reaching out for Ushijima only to have his hand smacked away.</p><p>Ushijima scoffed, closing the door even further so there was only a sliver of light peeking through the doorway. “What about it?”</p><p>“It’s the Spring Tournament! I cant… I can’t miss it!” </p><p>Ushijima laughed, but it sounded hollow and empty, devoid of all humor. “Yes,” he said bitterly, “you can.”</p><p>With that, he slammed the door, leaving Hinata in absolute darkness amidst his puddle of tears. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Hinata wasn’t sure how long he had stayed in that position, his limbs splayed out in an uncomfortable position like a donkey with broken legs. He was in too much grief to shed more tears, but he also didn’t have the energy to turn on the lights or leave his room.</p><p><em> I’m doing this for you, </em>Ushijima had said. The memory was burned into Hinata’s mind like a tattoo: painful, and oftentimes irremovable.</p><p>Was it really all for him? As hard as he tried, Hinata couldn't piece it together. It didn’t make sense to him why he wasn’t allowed to talk to his best friend, or attend the volleyball game he had looked forward to all year. It just wasn’t <em> fair. </em></p><p>At the thought of missing the long-awaited spring tournament that he had been looking forward to, Hinata could feel the tears well in his eyes all over again. <em> Stop that, </em> he castigated himself fiercely. <em> He’s doing this for you. Of course he’s upset that I’m talking with Kenma.  </em></p><p>
  <em> He’s just jealous.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You should be grateful he even cares at all. </em>
</p><p>But the tears wouldn’t stop. He vigorously wiped them with his sleeve, but more quickly replaced them. He cried so hard that something inside of him cracked-like a glass ball in his stomach that had shattered under immense pressure. </p><p><em> This is strange, </em> he realized, as he lay there on the cold surface of the wooden floorboards. <em> I’ve never actually been mad at him before. </em></p><p>The revelation was so mind-boggling that Hinata could scarcely believe it. He had convinced himself time and time again that he was in love with Ushijima; that he was perpetually grateful for the amount of love and care he had received.</p><p>Hinata opened his eyes, waiting for a moment to let them adjust to the inky darkness around him. His gaze settled on a framed picture resting on his nightstand.</p><p>It was a picture of him and Ushijima two years ago. Hinata’s hair was shorter then. (He has a slight emo phase after his parent’s death.)</p><p>But he was smiling, both arms wrapped around Ushijima’s waist. His boyfriend was smiling, too.</p><p>Staring at the picture filled him with an unexplainable wave of bitterness. <em> Where did he go? </em>he thought hopelessly, longingly gazing at the nineteen-year-old Ushijima that was nearly recognizable with the current.</p><p>Maybe, just maybe, Hinata wasn’t in love with Ushijima anymore.</p><p>And that scared him more than anything.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>God, I’m sorry for the late chapter! I hope the quality of this makes up for it.</p><p>Writing about Hinata makes me cry, too...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kenma is bad at emotions; as a result, he writes them down on paper.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Dear Shoyo, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It feels strange writing a letter to someone knowing that they'll never receive it, but I’ve heard it helps with controlling your emotions. If that’s true, I hope one day I can read this letter and realize I’ve gotten past my meaningless heartbreak. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You looked so happy when Ushijima asked you to be your boyfriend on that fateful day.That look on your face the moment he asked you out is something I’ll never forget. It’ll forever be etched into my memory, serving as a painful reminder that you’ll never smile that way at me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For a while, Ushijima made you happy. Happier than I could’ve ever made you, and I was fine with that. After all, I want you to live your life in happiness, even if it’s at the expense of mine. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> But don’t think I’m an idiot, Shoyo. I’ve noticed things. I’ve noticed the way you wince whenever someone touches you, and I’ve noticed the bruises on your arms no matter how hard you try to conceal them with makeup or well-versed lies. This might come as a surprise to you, but I'm more observant than you might think.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fact that you didn't show up to the game today only confirmed my suspicions. Ushijima’s been hitting you, hasn’t he? I bet he restricted you from coming to the game as punishment for driving home with me. After all, once the game was over, he bombarded my phone with threatening messages saying that if I ever went near you again, there would be trouble for both of us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maybe things would have turned out for the better if we never knew each other. Actually, that would solve both of our problems, wouldn't it?. If I never met you, I wouldn't even be writing this letter right now. And you would have been able to participate in the Spring Tournament that you had been looking forward to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m a horrible person. I know that if I told you this, you would just shake your head and laugh, telling me it’s not true. But every so often, a twisted, shameful part of me wishes that both of you would just break up. I hoped that one day you would come to your senses, and realize that I’ve been caring for you all along. I didn’t care about your happiness. I only cared about mine, and that makes me a bad person. I was selfish. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ve thought about this late at night. I pondered if I should confess and risk our friendship, or keep it to myself, as painful as it was. And then I realized that it would ruin you if you ever found out. It would continue to haunt you even during your happiest moments, and to me, that’s a worse punishment than watching you love someone else. I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt of knowing that I ruined your relationship, even if it’s an abusive one.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I tried to erase you from my thoughts, but the more I convinced myself I had to forget you, the longer you lingered in my mind. After all, it’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’ve dreamed of telling you how I felt. ‘I love you.’ Three words that are nearly impossible for me to say, despite their simplicity. If I told you this, could we continue to be friends? Could we still talk and joke around like nothing happened, and do homework after school like we always do? I fear the answer is no. And that’s why I won’t say anything and just support your relationship from behind. It would be a lot easier for me to help you if you opened up to me about Ushijima, but I understand that denial and trauma is a hard thing to talk about, even if it’s with your best friend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you. I love the way you blush when someone gives you a compliment. I love the way your eyes light up when we talk about your favorite volleyball player, or the way you smile whenever you take a bite of your favorite food. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for so many things. I’m sorry for not having the courage to tell you how I feel. I’m sorry for still hoping that something will happen between us. I’m sorry for not being honest when I said I was happy for you and Ushijima when you guys began dating. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> And I'm sorry for not being able to tell you all of this right now. But I hope you understand my decision. For both of our sakes, we shouldn't talk to each other anymore. Whenever you're with me, you just get in trouble with Ushijima. And whenever I'm with you, I'm overcome with a bitterness I can't really describe. If I had confessed to you before he did, would our relationship be any different? Whenever I see you, I can't help but wallow in my own regrets.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> We shouldn't talk anymore. Today made me realize that maybe it's time we reduce our relationship to volleyball teammates, and nothing more. It’ll be agonizing for me to push my unrequited feelings to the back of my mind, but I know I can do it. I’ve endured it for three miserable years. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I would say that I wish you and Ushijima find happiness one day, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be telling the truth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Instead, I’ll just say that you deserve a life full of prosperity and love, even if I won’t be a part of it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thank you for being the best friend I've ever had.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yours truly, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Kenma Kozume </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kenma’s eyes swept over the letter, checking for spelling errors even though he knew Hinata would never read it. He reached over and pulled an envelope from her desk, folding the letter twice and slipping it inside. He opened one of her desk compartments and shoved it into the deepest part of his drawer to seal away his emotions and silence his cruel, treacherous heart. </p><p><em>Of all the idiots I could have fallen for, </em>he thought hopelessly, <em>I fell for my best friend, who just so happens to have an abusive boyfriend. Oh, and I can't even do anything since he won't even talk to me about it.</em></p><p>The situation was so pathetically sad it was almost funny.</p><p>Kenma stood up from his desk, took one step and crumpled to the ground, stricken with grief as he covered his face with his hands and wept.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For those of you who are confused (since this chapter might not make a lot of sense):</p><p>This letter was written the day that Hinata didn't show up to the volleyball game. Kenma had a crush on Hinata for a very long time, ever since they were friends, really. But Hinata started dating Ushijima, so Kenma never really got the chance to confess. He's figured out on his own that Hinata gets in trouble whenever they hang out, so Kenma begins to distance himself from Hinata so he's safe, and also so he doesn't catch EVEN DEEPER feelings for his best frined, if that makes any sense. Basically, he's decided to cut Hinata out for good for both of them.</p><p>LOVE TRIANGLE TIMEEEEEEEE</p><p>God, y'all were worried I was going to kill Kenma or something,,,, if I was I would have done major character death. But no,,, I think this is much worse (insert evil laugh.)</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this is so late ;u;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“That little shrimp hasn’t been at school for a while, huh?” Kuroo asked, rolling over on his stomach so that his feet dangled off the edge of the bed. Running a hand through his signature windswept hair, his cast his gaze upward towards the ceiling. “Wonder what’s up with him.”</p><p>An audible sigh escaped Kenma’s lips. After hours of deliberating and crippling self anxiety, he had decided to visit Kuroo in order to take his mind off of a certain boy. Clearly, the decision was bad judgment on his part, because the conversation had somehow managed to drift back to <em> him. </em> </p><p>“What? I’m just curious.”</p><p>Kenma peered at him through strands of bleached hair, giving him a look so <em> intense </em> that Kuroo recoiled at his sudden ferocity. Then, after establishing the fact that he didn’t feel like recommencing the conversation, he looked back down at his phone and continued tapping away at his mobile game.</p><p>Unfortunately, Kuroo took his unwillingness to respond as an invitation to question him further. “I mean, normally you would be pretty worried, right?” There was confusion coloring his tone, and rightfully so. In the past week that Hinata hadn’t been at school, Kenma hadn’t spoken <em> once </em>about his missing friend. If anything, he had steered clear of the topic completely, fearful that if he allowed his thoughts to drift to Hinata even once, Kenma would find himself falling head-first into a rabbit-hole of regret and self-pity. </p><p>“I guess,” Kenma replied as nonchalantly as he could, but he was unable to hide the quaver in his voice. Fingers trembling slightly as he mindlessly continued his game, he hastily amended, “He’s probably fine.”</p><p>“That’s what I said, but <em> you </em>were the one freaking out when he didn’t show up at the game,” Kuroo quipped. When Kenma didn’t respond, he added, “Besides, what’s up with you? You’ve been avoiding the subject of the little shrimp like the plague.”</p><p><em> So he has noticed, </em> Kenma thought with slight amusement. <em> He’s more observant than he looks. </em>Well, it was true, so it wasn’t like there was anything he could say to defend himself. When he passed another level of his game, he finally looked up to stare Kuroo in the eye with the intensity of a predator stalking its prey.</p><p>“Hey, Kuroo, what do you think about best friends becoming lovers?”</p><p>Kuroo looked up, his eyes wide with a combination of bemusement and incredulity. His mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, but no sound left his lips. Then, very slowly, he broke into the impish grin he was known for. The first laugh that escaped his lips was the start of many more, and pretty soon, Kuroo was clutching his stomach and howling with raucous laughter.</p><p>Dramatically wiping a fake tear from his eye, Kuroo gasped, “Why, you got a crush on shrimpy or something?”</p><p>His flippant remark struck a chord in Kenma’s chest, and he failed to conceal the pain that surfaced across his face.</p><p>“Oh,” Kuroo whispered, his voice soft. “Oh no. Is <em> that </em> what it is? You like <em> him?” </em> For some reason, the shock on his face made the situation all the more <em> humiliating </em>.</p><p>Kenma nodded thickly. He was going to regret it later for confessing his troubles, but he didn’t care at the moment. He desperately needed to purge the emotions that lay rotting in the pit of his stomach.</p><p><em> Although, </em> he thought sorely, <em> Kuroo probably isn’t the best person to confide in for this situation. </em>To make horrible matters even worse, Kenma was keenly aware that his other childhood rooster-head friend had feelings for him, too. It was mortifyingly obvious, and the only person who wasn’t aware of it was the idiot himself.</p><p>“Well,” Kuroo started, his voice perilously shallow. “Doesn’t he have someone? The college-age dude?”</p><p>Kenma nodded again, not trusting himself to speak.</p><p>Kuroo frowned and pursed his lips, almost as if he were chewing on his next words to see how they would taste before spitting them out. “Well… if I’m being honest, friends to lovers sound nice in theory until one of them gets their heart crushed.”</p><p>For once, Kenma was inclined to agree. </p><p>“So it’s not a good idea.” Kenma couldn’t help but notice that Kuroo looked rather <em> sad. </em> It was a stark contrast from his friend’s typically patronizing demeanor, and the realization immediately weighed down on him with immense guilt. He was being ridiculously selfish, confessing his feelings towards another person to someone who quite <em> obviously </em>had romantic feelings for him.</p><p>
  <em> If only I liked you back… if only I liked you instead… everything would be so much easier…  </em>
</p><p>“That’s strange, though,” Kuroo added quickly, deftly shifting the topic. “I thought you were an emotionless robot.”</p><p>Kenma felt the corners of his mouth twitch in irritation. “I am not<em> .” </em></p><p>“You are too.”</p><p>“Am <em> not.” </em></p><p>A brief silence loomed over their heads.</p><p>“Are too.”</p><p>Kenma sighed again, more forcefully this time. He found himself doing it rather often in Kuroo’s presence.</p><p>
  <em> One of them always gets their heart crushed, huh…  </em>
</p><p>It was easy enough to say without truly understanding. He wondered what Kuroo would say if he knew just how deep Kenma’s feelings went for his best friend.</p><p>
  <strong>...</strong>
</p><p>Hinata lost track of how many days had passed since he had last left his room.</p><p>Ushijima had been leaving his meals outside his door before he left for work and there was a small bathroom tucked away in the corner of his room, so there was no reason to leave. He hadn’t checked his phone, either, although it occasionally vibrated from time to time, presumably from his friends who were wondering <em> where the hell </em> he had been for the past week.</p><p><em> Maybe I should call Kenma, </em> Hinata thought, using the little energy he had left to hoist himself up into a sitting position. <em> Maybe he’s left me a text. </em></p><p>He opened his phone and is immediately flooded with a barrage of messages that had been sent in the course of the last week. The first few are obvious, most from the day of the big game where his teammates were demanding where he was. The volleyball group chat was just a long string of texts spamming Hinata about his whereabouts. There were a few private ones from Suga, and Hinata felt his heart swell with gratitude as he noticed that Suga had sent him one text every single day asking if he was okay. There were a few from Kageyama, too, which surprised him more than anything.</p><p>Most shocking of all, however, was the lack of contact from Kenma. Sure, his reserved friend wasn’t the type to bombard others with messages expressing his concern. But whenever Hinata had been sick from school or had somehow wound up in the nurse’s office, Kenma had always sent him a follow-up message asking if he were okay. But this time, even though he had been absent for nearly a week, there wasn’t a single call or text.</p><p><em> Is he angry at me? For not telling him the truth that day? </em> The thought rattled his mind, but he forcefully shoved it to the back of his head. <em> No. Kenma’s not that petty. </em></p><p>But he had no time to dwell on the uncertainties that lingered in the back of his mind. He heard a lock click from the front door downstairs, along with a heavy grunt as something heavy was tossed across the room. Hinata scrambled to his feet, tossing his phone under the bed so he didn’t arouse suspicion that he had been looking at his phone. Peering out the half-open window of his bedroom, he felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach as he spotted the bright red car that was parked in the driveway.</p><p>Ushijima was home.</p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay sooo,, ushijima about to go batshit crazy next chapter there’s gonna he some explicit scenes so pls don’t kill me i’ll put warnings-</p><p>also kuroo likes kenma and kenma likes hinata and hinata is just a sad tortured boi why do ppl even read this anymore-</p><p>kenma you fucking idiot text hinata don’t block him out pls why am i doing this to you grrrrr</p><p>also haikyuu manga is breaking my heart it’s ending next week i’m gonna cry😭</p><p>on that note,,, i have a discord  server for haikyuu fans: https://discord.gg/uRFzzW</p><p>don’t have to join but if ya wanna chat then so ahead!</p>
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